Im awake

Im not going to change my mind anymore. No more. For what you have done, i have tried to forgive, and forget many times. I hope that im wrong, but people is estimating that, because you and she doing so and saying so. I dont care what is your connection between you both. I dont care if you told others about our relationship. I hope im wrong that mostly your so called girl friends are all great "sluts" who wish to destroy other people's relationship.

I will never change my mind , no matter how good you will be. After all it depend on my feelings. I hope that i will not got fed up with you. I still hope that i can treat you good but there's no guarantee. I will let you go if you want. Always remember that God loves you and He created us, therefore u should learn not to hurt God's creation as how you wish that I wont hurt you. God bless you.

p/s: IT HURTS ME. THANK YOU AND NOW IM AWAKE.

Let bygones be bygones

Sometimes i really dont understand what humans want. When somebody is doing things which you dislike, u mock, u blame, somehow you dont feel happy with it. And when that person realized it, and she wish to change everything, that's the time you don't want her to change. you want her to control you, you want her to love you.. Isn't that unfair? well, what i can say is past is past, now is now, and future is future. I am myself, is not that i don't give you chances, and if i really don't, i will just leave you.

The fact is, i don't want to turn back to the last pit that we had stopped, but yet, i wish to move on to a better n more comfortable pit. I found it useless to do all that silly things, to control you and everything. Frankly, i am much more comfortable now compared to last time. I will not control you, go ahead and whatever you like, and if you wish to leave me, than just do it. I will not stop you. Is just that i wish that you can treat your partner better in future. Try telling truth instead of telling lies.

I guess you know im already get tired with it. I do not want to hear your reasons anymore, and i do not wish to know whatever u dont wish to tell me. I guess that is better that way. Both has their own limits, their own way of living, and their own privacy. I will know what i shall do next. My thought before this was to able to be together with someone, we need to learn to share. "Sharing is Caring".

Couples should share everything. If not, why some of them is having sex? Isn't that the most important element of privacy? However, my thought started to change. I will not share everything with you anymore. Whatever i think i should tell, I will tell. Same goes to if i dont think its necessary to tell, I wont. I think its better this way, even though you dislike it and regretted it. All i can say is im sorry im not Jesus Christ.

Is not that i don't forgive you, I do, its just the matter of patience. I will uphold for this relationship as long as i could, but however, patience has its limit. Everyone understand that. Tiring to hear all reasons and nonsense. No more

p/s: to love someone is not just to be able to make him/her to trust you, to love someone is how sharing and caring you are to him/her. to love someone you should learn to comprehend his/her thought and actions.

If you dont, than i dont think its love. Its selfish if your thought is not to let your beloved to stay in comfort. Its selfish if you keep hurting her over and over again. Think about it.

Patience Has Its Limit

I dont want to listen to your reasons anymore, because im extremely tired with all fake promises. Ask the whole world blame on my temper but as long as God knows I didn't do anything behind your back. Its useless for you to change your passwords and etc, well, from the moment i got to know you did that, I felt that im not interesting to get to know about your stuff anymore. Well, whats the meaning of being together if you wana hide all this from me. LAME.

All i can say is patience. i will be patient, but patience has its limit. U lied to me alot. I do not wish to u label u as a liar. So why are u blaming on me that i dont trust you? Y cant you think of yourself, wat makes me not to trust you ? I want to trust you, but i canot. Think of yourself, why i cant. The whole damn house of residents 511 can blame me and i really dont care. As i mentioned, God knows.

I said I LOVE YOU , and i do, but sorry to say, after this, my loves starts to reduce. Im so sorry, i just cannot accept it. It really depend on you on future, its okay for me to lose you, but at the end, somehow someone else will do the same damn thing to you as what you did to me. Now, my message to you is, whatever you want to do is go ahead. God bless you. Im not a stupid bloody fool for you to play with dude. After u read this, u dont have to explain to me, cos im tired of everything. again and again. You thought you are the one who cant bare with my temper, what about me? How can i bare with your lies?

p/s if you treat me good, i will definitely will treat you good. but if you lie and playing a fool with me, come on, then lets play this game.

only then I can feel how stressful to be in Kampar. only then I can feel that Kampar is not a place for me. I miss my ipoh friends.. I don't feel happy happy here. the only thing i felt is stress,boring and emoness.the first thing i felt every time i opened my eyes in the morning is "what meeting gonna be next", "wat time is my class" and etcetera.

i just wish time can pass by quickly, so i can leave this place, and start on with my new life and career.may God bless me. i am gonna be the st ever historical person in my family to mk my mum proud of me. the only thing who really makes me worried is Louie. mum is willing to take care of this little evil, but I'm pretty sure that she is going to scold him a lot, cos he is very naughty. but yet, he is still a good friend, good companion n good son for me. I love him very much. Hehe so cute. He is the one who can really make me laugh and smile. God bless this little notti poody.Sometimes i wonder if theres a chance for my children in future to meet with their mummy's best friend. i hope it does.

Miss Malaysia Earth and Miss Malaysia Model is going to be held around this middle of the year. Many people has been asking whether i will join, and the answer is No, because im busy my stuff which i can never let go. If i could, then i would. Sorry if i ever made my fans dissapointed, but I will try my best to make it to you guys for the next round of the competition. and i will 'beautify my self'. ^^ Thank you for the support and votes last competition which made me into the second higher votes in miss popularity. i had never expected this, because i think there are lots more prettier babes than me out there. But anyway, THANK YOU!

Ok thats all for today, i havent wash my face yet. so see u LOL

Thank You. I Love You

Hello everyone, this time i'm going to write a long post here. Have u guys ever been in a situation where u don't feel any securities with the environment around? Well, i'm not sure why i have this kind of feelings, maybe its because of things i saw with my own eyes, and i cant forget it. It affects me a lot. How much i wish that i could forget about it, but unfortunately i couldn't. Thanked God friends are around when i need them the most. I am not so sure how long i can bare with this kinda feelings, but if lets say i don't see any changes, i'm just going to let go with everything i have now. I dont see love, all i see is SELFISH in ourselves. Maybe this what we should do, if we loves ourselves more than anyone around. I am going to change my mind soon, i am going to let go, because its hurting me day by day if lets say i still don't see any changes.

I am in pain, but who knows. All i can do is to cry to you, my blog. Physically and mentally. I still holding on because i know friends and family are there for me. Thank you Jenny, thank you Mun Yoong, thank you Adele, thank you my son Louie and the rest whom really helps me out and accompany me. At least I felt happy and comfortable with u guys. You see i dont really talk to others about my stuff because I dont like others to interfere my personal stuff at times. You guys helped me alot and brighten up my days. Of course im missing u all at all times.

Now baby, i want you to know that i can no longer hold it. I am in a real pain. I dont know what to say to you, but all i know is that i hope u are serious in our relationship. Even if you dont, just let me know and i will know what to do. I Love you still .

Yesterday was a bad day, my body ache, my blood doesn't pass through i think. At one time, i know im dizzy but i still keep on walking, because i know Darren is there, Wai Kit is there, and Chee Soon is there. Even if i really fainted, they will be there. Dont really know how to explain it here, but it hurts. So uncomfortable.

I also would like to take this opportunity to apologies to those whom i cant lepak with them during my CNY. Im so sorry , i will make it to you guys next time okay ?

Well what else...Let me think.. O ya, of course i wana thank you Justin Yow Yong Hwa. you are always my brother who will listen this sister, who understands me well. I felt comfortable to tell you everything. You will always be my good brother. I'll keep you in my heart. I love you.

Mummy, I Love You the most of all. Your are my angel who will always protect me. God bless you. i love you i love you i love you.

p/s :our time are not so long, dats why i take this opportunity to say thank you and to appreciate everything and everyone. thank you. i love you all.

Today, Khong Lai Jing's news somehow upset me alot. may God bless her. too bad im not an O positive type. but even if i am, i cant do anything. Itt reminds me of myself. the only difference is she got thalassemia, and im anemia. if it goes worst, it can become leukemia. but all i wana say is that God loves us for sure, you and me, dear lai jing. even i dont really know you well. stay strong and stay tough. i saw u wrote 'i am in pain'. yea i noe dat kinda feeling. been thru it, hospital pantai n hospital fatimah. Lifes still goes on, people out there all does cares and loves you, so no matter how, stay strong.

My heart is crying actually to see dis kinda thing happen. erm perhaps Gods loves us more. anyway u will have a long life ahead. i'll pray for you every nite before i sleep.

God is with us. No worries, rest well